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The Rules Nobody Told You About

 

Dog walking looks simple.

 

You attach lead to dog, put one foot in front of the other, and return home slightly more out of breath than when you left.

 

Simple.

 

Except that once you enter the woods, a park, footpath or village green, you discover that dog walking is actually a highly sophisticated social system governed by a complex set of rules that nobody has ever written down.

 

Until now.

 

Rule 1: You must always carry a poo bag

 

Whether your dog has done anything or not is irrelevant.

 

You must have at least one poo bag visibly available at all times.

 

Ideally, you should have six.

 

• One in your pocket, ready to pop out next time your trousers go through the wash

• Two attached to the lead. Beware, these can develop holes.
• One mysteriously stuck inside your coat.
• And another two in the car, just in case.

 

Because the moment you run out, your dog will produce something the size and consistency of a small household appliance.

 

Rule 2: "He's friendly" is not acceptable

 

This is possibly the most important rule of all.

 

Your dog may be friendly.

The other dog may be friendly.

The two dogs may have been best friends in a previous life.

 

That doesn't necessarily mean they want to meet.

 

Some dogs are nervous. Some are old. Some are recovering from illness. Some are being walked by someone new. Some are simply having a bad day. 

 

Give dogs space when they need it.

 

A simple "Is he okay to say hello?" is surprisingly effective.

 

If someone is putting their dog on a lead, or getting them to focus, take the hint.

 

Rule 3: The lead is not a bungee cord

 

If your dog reaches the end of the lead and you are suddenly being towed across a field at speed, you are no longer walking the dog, the dog is walking you.

 

Be especially careful when you are wearing wellies and the dog has spotted a squirrel / rabbit / deer / picnic. 

 

Learn how to use a long line.

 

Do spend time calmly and quietly showing your dog where you need them to walk while at home, and set yourself up for success.

 

Rule 4: Every dog walker must acknowledge every other dog walker

 

This is mandatory.

 

You don't have to know their name.

 

You don't even have to know their dog's name.

 

But you must exchange at least one of the following:

 

"Morning."

"Lovely day."

"Bit muddy."

"He's been a nightmare today."

"She's usually good."

"He's absolutely obsessed with squirrels."

 

This is how friendships are formed in the dog-walking community. Eventually, after approximately six months, you may learn the person's name. Their dog's name, however, you will have known since the second meeting.

 

Rule 5: Dogs are allowed to sniff

 

This one is for the humans.

 

Yes, you've got somewhere to be.

Yes, you've already been standing here for three minutes.

Yes, the dog appears to be investigating the exact same blade of grass it investigated yesterday.

Let them sniff.

 

For a dog, a walk isn't just exercise. It's reading the news, checking social media, reviewing local gossip and conducting a full neighbourhood security assessment.

 

That blade of grass contains information.

 

Important information.

 

We have no idea what it says.

 

Rule 6: Recall is not optional

 

There are three types of recall.

 

Actual recall where the head whips around, and they come bounding back to you.

Hopeful recall where the dog sometimes come back on a good day.

No recall where you really shouldn't have an off lead dog.

 

If your dog doesn't have reliable recall, that's okay. Just don't release them and describe it as "good training". Do some actual training.

 

Rule 7: Others have right of way

 

This may come as a surprise, but not everyone likes dogs. Some people are even afraid of them, but this shouldn't mean that they cannot leave their house. Keep your dog close, and ask if they would like to say hello.

 

Joggers are already having a difficult enough time. They are voluntarily running. For no obvious reason.

 

They don't need your dog launching itself at them because it has suddenly developed an intense interest in their ankles.

 

Call your dog back. Move aside. Smile apologetically. Everyone survives.

 

Cyclists are essentially joggers with wheels and a much greater ability to arrive unexpectedly from behind.

 

If you hear a bell, move over. If you don't hear a bell, move over anyway. Your dog will probably only notice the cyclist approximately 0.7 seconds before the cyclist reaches you. This is not the ideal time to discover that your recall needs work.

 

Rule 8: Don't judge another dog's owner

 

Their dog may be barking.

It may be pulling.

It may be rolling in something unmentionable.

It may be ignoring every command.

 

Do not judge.

 

Because tomorrow, it will be your dog.

 

Dogs have a remarkable ability to behave perfectly for weeks and then, without warning, become a completely different animal in front of an audience.

 

Preferably while you're explaining how well trained they are.

 

Rule 9: Be aware of the weather

 

If it is too hot for you to walk barefoot, it is for your dog as well. Unlike you, dog's don't sweat, so they only have panting to help them cool down. If in doubt, don't go out.

 

Make sure you have a waterproof with you. The sky can be blue, there might have been no rain for weeks. As soon as you are as far from home as you can get, it will start to rain. Remember a towel. Possibly for you too.

 

You cannot walk a dog anywhere near mud and expect to return home with a clean dog.

 

You can towel them.

You can hose them.

You can stand at the back door pleading with them to shake before they come in. 

They will look at you hopefully.

They will come inside.

They will then shake.

Usually beside your seat on the sofa, or the window you have just cleaned.

 

 

Rule 10: Don't let your dog steal another dog's ball

 

There is an unwritten hierarchy of dog toys.

 

The ball your dog brought from home: mildly interesting.

 

The identical ball belonging to another dog: THE MOST IMPORTANT OBJECT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

 

Try to intervene before negotiations break down.

 

Rule 11: If someone says their dog needs space, give them space

 

No explanation required.

 

No questions.

No "Oh, he's fine with dogs."

No "Mine won't bother him."

 

Just give them space.

 

Rule 12: Forget your phone

 

Not literally. You do need to take your phone in case something goes horribly wrong or you get lost.

 

We know the dog walk is an excellent opportunity to listen to a book, hear a new podcast, catch up on emails, check LinkedIn, reply to messages, scroll through the news and chat to your friends.

 

But your dog has brought you outside for a reason. They would like your attention. This is the highlight of their day, and they would like to share it with you.

 

Put the phone away for a bit and look up. You might notice your dog is surrounded by other dogs, has found an enormous stick, is about to walk into a hedge, or has been standing patiently beside you for five minutes while you compose a reply to an email that could absolutely have waited until you got home.

 

Most importantly, don't walk while staring at your screen. Apart from being a hazard to yourself, your dog and every innocent being within a 20-metre radius, you are missing the best bit of the walk.

 

 

Remember

 

Good dog walking etiquette isn't really about knowing every rule.

 

It's about paying attention.

 

To your dog.

To other dogs.

To other people.

And occasionally to the fact that there is a large puddle directly in front of you.

 

Dog walking etiquette is mostly common sense, consideration and accepting that anything that can go wrong, probably will.

 

You may think you're taking the dog for a walk.

 

Your dog thinks you're accompanying them on an important expedition.

 

Give people space.

Pick up the poo.

Keep an eye on the dog.

 

So enjoy the walk. You may be holding the lead, but everyone knows who's really in charge.